Assuming everything goes as scheduled, including the $2,000 loan I'll need to get, I'll be having gastric bypass surgery on June 8.
This is not a decision I came to lightly. I've been fighting a losing battle against my weight for 15 years. I've been considering the surgery for 3 years. I have a family history of heart disease and diabetes, and I want to stem the possibility of getting either of them. In addition, I'm just tired of not fitting anywhere - literally not fitting into chairs or clothes or on roller coasters. My PCOS causes me to run into a wall when I try to lose weight by conventional methods. Going extreme is my only choice.
I know there are risks. I know the adjustment phase is going to be hell. I know this is for the rest of my life. Here's why I decided to do this.
My concerns with the surgery were threefold:
- Fear of complications or death.
- The cost.
- Having to severely restrict my food for the rest of my life, including giving up some foods I love.
The second of these concerns was allayed by the fact that my insurance will cover the surgery, except for the aforementioned $2,000. They have already approved the expense.
The first ... well, I'm going to have those fears up until my recovery is complete. There's no way around that. But I trust my doctor, Tobin Schneider. A co-worker used him. She came through with flying colors, and looks and feels great.
Now, the third concern. If I'm truly honest with myself, I know this is what was really stopping me. "But if I have the surgery, I can't eat cookies or ice cream or cake or pasta ever again!" I finally woke up and realized this was akin to a smoker saying, "If I go on the patch, I won't be able to smoke!" It sort of missed the whole point. Once I finally woke up to that, I realized a bypass was the only way to go.
I'll be in the hospital for three days, on a liquid diet for 2 weeks, and off work for a month. But I should be up and taking 10-minute walks within a day or two of the surgery, and exercising properly within a couple of weeks. I need to avoid heavy lifting for a while, and I won't be able to drive until I'm off painkillers (I'll be staying with Mom for the first week or two), but otherwise things should be relatively normal. (effin, I specifically asked the doctor if I'll be able to perform in Reno 6 weeks post-surgery. He said it shouldn't be a problem, and he encourages the exercise.)
I hope I can count on all of you for support, especially during the first few months when I'm adjusting to my new lifestyle. I know I will have some "What the hell have I done???" moments, and I hope I can depend on you guys to get me through them. Please do not feel you can no longer eat in front of me. I am not going to be a food martyr. I can still go to restaurants. I'll just be ordering different things and eating much smaller portions.
Yes, I'm scared. Terrified, in fact. But I'm also excited. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do. It came down to this: I can either enjoy food or enjoy life. I choose life.